So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
