I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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