You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
