It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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