I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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