so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize