thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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