dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
