Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
