just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
