I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
NoShamevember. You game?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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