I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
