he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
