Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
