forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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