She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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