Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize