Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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