She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
