Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
