and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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