Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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