She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
