Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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