So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
