Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
