omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
