dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
