Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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