My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
