didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
