The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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