you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
