Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize