How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
