But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
