What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
