Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
