awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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