Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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