i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
