Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
