Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
