The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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