best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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