I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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