Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
