im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
