Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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