So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
