he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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