Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
