Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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