You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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