So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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