hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Porn is love you can see.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
