She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
