Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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