Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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