Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Text me some of your sweat
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
