i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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