just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
