i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
