dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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