Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
